What's Not to Laugh?

Almost everything about aging–except grave illness and death–can be funny as well as disturbing. I try to find the funny and help us all get through it!

Archive for the month “January, 2013”

Being [my age] and the new “beauty” routines

I guess you could say I’ve been on hiatus for a while. Hiatus, in this case, means “I’ve been too busy to write anything for the blog” or  “I can’t think of anything to write,” or “I’m too lazy to try to think of anything to write,” or, my personal favorite: “I’ve used up all my creativity in my real job.”

But today I’ve decided to just post something. These are thoughts I’ve had for a while during my love-hate affair with my mirror.

With age comes wisdom. And truths. Or perceived truths, especially those about how aging affects the way we fix ourselves up to greet the public. Here are the (so important) truths I’ve discovered:

  • Shimmery lipstick makes my lips look wrinkled.
  • My neck looks awful in close-up photographs; scarves are my new best friends.
  • [My age] is (probably) too old to wear nail polish containing multi-colored glitter—but I wore it to a Christmas party anyway…and the manicure police did not arrest me.
  • Shimmery eyeshadow makes my eyelids look wrinkled.
  • Low-cut V-necks may create a nice frame for my face, but I have to be careful about showing any cleavage. “Old” cleavage is not alluring (“old” men, feel free to dispute this), particularly when you look down at your neckline and see…crags and crinkles.
  • I cannot tuck blouses and tops into my pants and skirts. That middle-aged middle of mine (or it began in middle age and is not showing any signs of moving out soon) is not for public display. The more I can pull tops down over it (loosely), the better for all.
  • Shimmery blush makes my cheeks look…well, not exactly wrinkled, but over-the-top glittery.
  • Wearing glasses offers the advantage of obscuring eye bags and crows feet. Glasses that tint a little darker when exposed to bright light or sunlight are even better. Caution: Make sure you select a very cool, hip pair of specs, or you’ll cancel out any benefits.
  • Now that I’m [my age] I’ve added multiple steps to my pre-bedtime routine. It’s not just cleanser and moisturizer anymore. Now I have to make sure I treat my lashes and eyebrows with the latest growth serum since those face-framing fringes started to thin and look puny. And my newly dry lips require an application of lip balm—although it doesn’t seem to help.

But the biggest truth of all is that, whatever my trivial complaints, there are products and processes out there to make things better, or more beautiful. Viva la 20th century!

P.S. Please, please, please let these be my biggest problems!

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