What's Not to Laugh?

Almost everything about aging–except grave illness and death–can be funny as well as disturbing. I try to find the funny and help us all get through it!

Archive for the month “March, 2015”

Penelope: Things you should know about me

My favorite toys: tissue paper, plastic straws, string, and a cardboard box

I get bored with cat toys and immerse myself in tissue paper, plastic straws, string, and a cardboard box.

I wish my owners would get some new toys for me. The laser pointers and catnip mice are becoming boring.

I scamper away when they try to pet me, but I really love their gentle touch. I crave it. Just do it on my terms, when I’m ready.

I wouldn’t ever want to be in the water, but I’m fascinated by the running water in the bathroom sink. After it goes down the drain, I like to step into the bowl and dampen my paws.

I like my owners a lot—maybe even love them, if I could figure out what love is—but I don’t understand why they can’t devote all their waking hours playing with me.

And speaking of their waking hours…why on earth do they have to sleep at night? Can’t they take cat naps during the day like I do? I’m ready to rock and roll at 10:30 p.m., and they’re turning out the lights!

When I’m running around, bouncing off the walls, and doing somersaults, she calls it a hissy fit. I resent that. None of that activity involves hissing! If they want to see hissing, I’ll show them what it’s like. And it’s not a tantrum either. I’m just showing off my gymnastic prowess.

And speaking of my gymnastic prowess…I keep hearing, “We should enter her in the Kitty Olympics!” But nothing ever comes of it. I doubt there is a Kitty Olympics. It’s just flattery.

I’m a really good girl. I’ve jumped onto the kitchen counter only three times, and I got down as soon as I was reprimanded. When I put my paws on the kitchen tabletop and hear a sharp, “No table!” I get down immediately. I eat all my food, wet and dry, and use my litter box all the time. I don’t even scatter litter everywhere while burying my business like my predecessor did, so I’ve been told.

I’ve been called a “kvetch” because of my daily mournful sounds. Does that mean I’m a Jewish cat? Can you kvetch if you’re not Jewish? And if I’m a Jewish cat, it would be nice if they gave me a bat mitzvah—with lots of luxurious gifts. (In case you’re wondering what to get me, a climbing tower or a nine-lifetime supply of Fancy Feast would be welcome.)

Until next time,
Penelope

 

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Worth repeating

In a few weeks, it’ll be summer rerun time—that time of year when you can’t find a new episode of The Big Bang Theory or The Good Wife and have to watch past episodes or find another amusement. Why am I telling you something you already know all too well? It’s my way of saying that I will be posting reruns here. They’ll probably be new to many people who either didn’t read the much earlier post or who forgot whether they did or didn’t.

Before this blog, I wrote one called “Suddenly Sixties.” On my 70th birthday, I decided to start a new blog on a new platform (this is it) with no mention of age in its name. But when I come across my old posts, I feel some are worth repeating. (You’ll be the ultimate judge of that!) Here a timely one, from February 2012:

Decluttering for the next decade

This is the time of year for article upon article on decluttering. An entire O Magazine issue was dedicated to the subject. And I can’t seem to get enough of it. I’m always looking for ideas on organizing…my closets, my drawers, my desk, my life. It’s not that I’m a hoarder (God forbid) or even a pack rat. In fact, I’m much better about tossing unused items than I used to be. But I can do better.Clutter

Maybe cleaning out my mother’s condo when she died in 2005 helped me realize that I wouldn’t want my kids to go through my things after I’m gone and ask, “What in the world did she keep this for?” I also realized my mother’s life might have been a little easier if she didn’t have to look at the corner of her bedroom that was a shrine for boxes, plastic bags, shopping bags, and whatever would fit into any of those containers. Really, it was a mound of stuff. Then there was her walk-in closet, filled with clothing from at least four decades. She had items hanging there that, even if they came back in style, would never fit her. Ever. And some items had been hanging there so long, the foam covering on the hangers disintegrated as I handled them. On the other hand, having lived through the Depression, maybe she was comforted by seeing the hundreds of rubber bands in her kitchen drawer and the books of S&H Green Stamps stashed on a shelf. I know that I don’t want to live that way.

So I’ve been purging my closets, drawers, and shelves ever since. As I said, I can do better. And I also have to be discriminating in what I give away or toss. A few years ago, I started eating healthier and exercising more (mainly because of a fear of dying of something related to high cholesterol or sloth). I lost about 15 pounds and was delighted to be able to buy a smaller size in pants and skirts. This, I declared, was the way I was going to live the rest of my now-healthy life. I would never go back to slathering two pieces of bread with butter in a restaurant or taking a second piece of chocolate cake at a birthday party. I would use low-fat non-creamy salad dressings and look away when passing through the candy aisle. So I donated all my larger pants and other clothing items that had become way too big.

Then, about a year-and-a-half later, old habits crept back. I don’t know why, and I did nothing to stop them. Before long, my newer, smaller pants were getting slightly snug. Soon, they were unwearable. How I longed to have my old clothes back! Now I started buying the larger sizes and vowing to keep them in the back of my closet if (rather, when) I lost the weight again.

But I’ve been pretty good about visits to the Goodwill donation center, about two or three times a year. It feels wonderful to get that stuff out of the house and garage. So why do I still have two overstuffed closets? And why are my books stacked up in double rows? Am I really going to read all those novels again? I suppose I could forget that I’ve already read one and not realize it until I come upon a character with an unusual name and think, “I’ve seen that name before…” It’s like old 48 Hours Mystery episodes that don’t look familiar until the district attorney who has a pronounced Southern accent or odd hair style is interviewed and I begin to remember watching it the first two times it aired. Getting back to books, I now have a Kindle, and although I still love the look and feel of a paperback book, I can have an entire literary collection in one convenient little device.

So I will once again purge my closets and my bookshelves. My drawers might be a lost cause, but I may get to them eventually. And I will look at each item and try to imagine my heirs’ reactions before I make the decision to toss or keep. Then I’ll move on to my email In Boxes and the files I’m keeping on my work computer from 2003 and earlier. I may even go through the linen closet and ask myself if those multicolored towels are ever going to be displayed again. (If they’re to become rags or padding for hauling items to Goodwill, they belong in the garage…but that’s another space that desperately needs an overhaul.)

I’m celebrating a big birthday this year, so this resolution to clear out what’s not needed is timely. I want the next decade to be more serene, more carefree, less cluttered in a physical, mental, and emotional way. And maybe I’ll celebrate by buying myself an outfit, a few books, and some new towels. That will make it mandatory to carry out the resolution, unless I also rent a storage unit.

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UPDATE: I eventually lost weight again (by joining Weight Watchers) and smartly boxed up my larger pants with the hope I never have to set eyes on them again, until the next closet purge. I stopped using the Kindle. It wasn’t my kind of reading experience, so the book collection is building up again. I still have an email InBox with a ridiculous number of messages, and I haven’t let go of most of the old files. But I am donating an item of clothing for every new one I bring in. Next, I plan to discard a new lipstick or nail polish for every new one. Maybe.

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