What's Not to Laugh?

Almost everything about aging–except grave illness and death–can be funny as well as disturbing. I try to find the funny and help us all get through it!

Archive for the month “December, 2015”

The R word again. It’s reality.

After promising and/or threatening to retire for the past 8 years, I finally did it! It’s official tomorrow, December 31…the end of 2015 and the beginning of my new life in 2016.

I’m showing up at the office to finish up the purge: a multi-year collection of papers, file folders, extra shoes, dried-out pens, now unneeded business cards, conference giveaways, and much more junk. It probably wasn’t junk when I stashed it away into various drawers and cabinets, but it’s useless to me now.

By tomorrow afternoon, I’ll have emptied the drawers, surrendered my laptop to IT, turned in my corporate Amex card to Accounting, and relinquished my ID badge.

It’ll be weird. It’s been an almost 40-year experience. And even though I’ve been semi-retired for 8 years, and thus have had Mondays and Thursdays free for those 8 years, it’s not the same as having Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays free, along with Saturdays and Sundays. Every week. Every month. Every year. It’ll definitely be weird.

Those of you who’ve already made this change tell me, almost in unison, “You’ll love it!” I’ll take your word for it.






Too old to open toilet paper?

This aging thing is starting to bug me (even more than usual). It seems that each year there are more everyday tasks that I can’t do anymore. Just this past weekend, I injured myself trying to open a package of toilet paper! To paint the picture for you, it was one of those colossal multi-package packages you get from Costco. That may not have any bearing on my problem getting it open—unless you consider the fact that such a large bundle needs extra strong plastic to encase it.

When we got it home, I stood the package up and attempted to pull apart the plastic wrapping so I could distribute the packs of rolls inside to our various bathrooms. I positioned my two hands on two ends of the wrap and tried to tug them apart. Nothing happened. I tugged harder. No progress. Then I mustered what I felt was the power of a person half my age to give it a final valiant yank. The toilet paper package didn’t pull open…but I managed to pull a muscle in my neck. It’s three days later and it blog_art_2still aches.

Just when I was about to give up and get a scissors (that would be the thinking person’s first method of choice), my heroic husband came forward: “Let me do it.” And he opened it. Just like that. Without pulling any neck muscles. After all, he’s three-and-a-half years younger than I am.

So now when I’m leaning a little to the side and wincing as a twinge of pain takes over, if anyone asks, “What happened?” do I make something up or be truthful? “I pulled some muscles opening toilet paper.” How do you keep your dignity after that?

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